Felt bad about the dreariness of my last post. ITS SUPPOSED TO BE A 'POSITIVITY' BLOG :/
I guess, if I'm not 'feelin it'... best just to be honest.
Anyway. I love this song. It speaks right to me.
"I'm gonna take that fear & wear it like a crown"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XuBJ0QQ4dak
the road ahead: forward I go
Sunday, 29 April 2012
Not quite as 'sparkly & shiny'
Have not quite been able to MAKE myself write another blog since my last (yup... kinda a while ago). I'm thinking perhaps... maybe I was just a bit TOO upbeat in my last post :-/
Of course I have upbeat moments... but the reality that I'm living right now just is NOT as 'sparkly & shiny'. Infact, truthfully - its pretty sucky.
Ploughing on, going forward regardless. Just (unfortunately) can't say I'm 'happy' about it. My therapist says "happiness is not a given, & is not something I should be realistically aiming for right now". Mmm. While I don't disagree... I think that if I can't aim to find a little bit of happiness in small simple things on a regular basis, what IS the point??? Yeahhhhh. I've 'quit' therapy. My hearts just not in 'it' anymore. I believe that I (me, myself) have the answers (somewhere), I just need to 'keep going', surviving & dodging the curveballs life keeps throwing me. Nobody can 'fix' this for me (as much as sometimes I STILL find myself wishing that someone could)... its up to ME.
Anyone reading this (?) may be wondering "what on earth is she talking about?" I'm talking about the ongoing daily confusion that is CHOOSING to recover from an eating disorder. I didn't really want this blog to end up being all about my ed... but I need to 'put it somewhere'.
So... 'magic' mirrors, major conflicting thoughts, family stuff (illness & drama) whilst being in a completely different country plus a pretty serious lack of finance going on right now... dwelling on these things (& having time to overthink) is not helpful. I just have to put myself together & get on with it. Nothing particularly 'smile-inducing' about that.
Of course I have upbeat moments... but the reality that I'm living right now just is NOT as 'sparkly & shiny'. Infact, truthfully - its pretty sucky.
Ploughing on, going forward regardless. Just (unfortunately) can't say I'm 'happy' about it. My therapist says "happiness is not a given, & is not something I should be realistically aiming for right now". Mmm. While I don't disagree... I think that if I can't aim to find a little bit of happiness in small simple things on a regular basis, what IS the point??? Yeahhhhh. I've 'quit' therapy. My hearts just not in 'it' anymore. I believe that I (me, myself) have the answers (somewhere), I just need to 'keep going', surviving & dodging the curveballs life keeps throwing me. Nobody can 'fix' this for me (as much as sometimes I STILL find myself wishing that someone could)... its up to ME.
Anyone reading this (?) may be wondering "what on earth is she talking about?" I'm talking about the ongoing daily confusion that is CHOOSING to recover from an eating disorder. I didn't really want this blog to end up being all about my ed... but I need to 'put it somewhere'.
So... 'magic' mirrors, major conflicting thoughts, family stuff (illness & drama) whilst being in a completely different country plus a pretty serious lack of finance going on right now... dwelling on these things (& having time to overthink) is not helpful. I just have to put myself together & get on with it. Nothing particularly 'smile-inducing' about that.
Sunday, 8 January 2012
Ready or not, here I come
Something I realised recently (and I really do believe in) is that WE are responsible for our own happiness... and the knock-on benefit to being 'happy' is that life is simply a bit easier & a lot more enjoyable... Sounds simple I know. Of course we all get dealt different hands (to some degree of shittiness sometimes) but its how WE deal with the knocks that determine what happens next. This blog is simply a record of accountability TO MYSELF to ensure I take note & appreciate the good. I don't really care if anyone reads this... maybe I'm talking shit... but who really cares??? As long as it makes me smile! I've been through a lot in the last 12 months & I guess this is a record (in 'happy-terms') of my return :) So there will be no depressed down-in-the-dump posts... theres enough of those out there! Welcome to the sparkly world of ShrimpieOooolala.
Good things are happening fir me... back to work next week :) & moving house :) Both of which GREATLY add to my happiness. Tis gonna be a good year! However, got a heap load of stuff to do before EITHER of these things happen!
So for now - here are a couple of daft things that made me laugh (actually out loud). Whilst returning to Norway after Xmas I read this in the KLM magazine... Gotta love the Holland Herald - it ALWAYS makes me smile!
http://www.improbable.com/2011/10/27/team-behind-wasabi-smoke-detector-tells-how-they-did-it/
The original HH article... complete with 'the museum of broken relationships' (!!!) 'dairy dressing' & cucumbers as *ehmm* musical instruments... Hahahaha.
http://holland-herald.com/2012/01/frontlines-8/
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